Abused, Used, and Abandoned—Now Valued and Loved: A True Story

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they observe physical signs that an act of FGM may have been carried out on a child under the age of 18. Remember, abusers are very good at controlling and manipulating their victims. People who have been emotionally or physically abused are often depressed, drained, scared, ashamed, and confused. They need help getting out of the situation, yet their partner has often isolated them from their family and friends.

It’s vital that any child who is trying to disclose abuse feels that they are being listened to and taken seriously. Making threats. They imply — or say outright — that they’ll fire you or report you for being an unfit parent. They might even say something like, “There’s no telling what I might do,” to keep things vague and leave you afraid. It’s important to create an environment where children and young people are comfortable about speaking out if anything is worrying them. They need to: Blaming you for their problems. When things go wrong, they always blame you. If only you’d been a more loving child, a more supportive partner, or a better parent, they might say, their life would be fantastic. We carried out research to find out how adults can better respond to a child who is disclosing abuse (Baker et al, 2019). We found three key interpersonal skills that help a child feel they are being listened to and taken seriously:Denying support. When you need emotional support or help with a problem, they might call you needy, say the world can’t stop and wait on your problems, or tell you to toughen up and fix it yourself. This applies to incidents that happened in the past, are happening now, or may happen in the future. Local authorities have social workers who deal specifically with cases of abuse and neglect. Call the person's local council and ask for the adult safeguarding co-ordinator.

do not tell them to leave the relationship or leave home if they're not ready – that's their decision Don’t blame yourself: You may blame yourself for what happened to you or think that you did something to cause it or deserve it, but you need to remember that if someone has abused you, it’s their fault and not yours. Remind yourself of this fact over and over again if you need to. Failure to provide receipts for shopping or other financial transactions carried out on behalf of the person Disparity between the person’s living conditions and their financial resources, e.g. insufficient food in the house It's impossible to know with certainty what goes on behind closed doors, but there are some telltale signs of emotional abuse and domestic violence. If you witness these warning signs of abuse in a friend, family member, or co-worker, take them very seriously.McElvaney, R. (2015) Disclosure of child sexual abuse: delays, non-disclosure and partial disclosure. What the research tells us and implications for practice. Child Abuse Review, 24: 159-169.

Ofsted provides guidance on sharing concerns about children’s social care services in England (Ofsted, 2019).There are many reasons why children and young people might find it hard to talk about their experiences of abuse or neglect. They might be reluctant to seek help because they feel they don’t have anyone to turn to for support. They may have sought help in the past and had a negative experience, which makes them unlikely to do so again or they may not have the knowledge or words to describe their experience. In line with your organisational safeguarding procedures, any new concerns should be added to existing information about the child and their family. A decision should then be made about next steps.

Other research, looking at the implications of child abuse and maltreatment, has also shown similar findings. A literature review for the NSPCC , called the Costs and Consequences of Child Maltreatment found that these experiences as a child could have many different implications on the individual in later life, such as forming and maintaining relationships, mental health problems and an increased likelihood of experiencing violent treatment from an intimate partner. Footnotes: Financial or material abuse: The misuse or taking of money, assets, or belongings of another person for personal gain, sometimes by coercion, threats, or deception.Controlling or coercive behaviour (e.g. controlling someone's finances, telling them who they can see, telling them what they can wear) This means that, if a child is at risk of harm, it is in their best interests for an adult to share information with relevant agencies – even without the child’s consent. what the child said or did that gave you cause for concern (if the child made a verbal disclosure, write down their exact words) You might be familiar with many of the obvious signs of emotional abuse and manipulation. But when you’re in an abusive situation, it’s easy to miss the subtle early signs that build up to a a persistent undercurrent of abusive behavior.